April

So, tomorrow is Jozef’s birthday…there goes the his first birthday since he was gone.

Every grieving book I’ve read talked about the “First” of many occasions that would hit you like a rock and leave you paralyze…when you type in the search bar for instagram post that has a tag #grief surely shows you some posts that talks about their “First” without…

I had two this past few weeks…My son losing his first tooth and now will be the other, his first birthday without him around to celebrate with.

We were never really a birthday celebration person…we couldn’t care less about our birthdays because it was just another day in our lives. We appreciated each other and was just happy another year was spent with each other.

But boy, this wave of grief does sneak in and yea, I’m at the edge of breakdown.

I’ve been moving on and its been full of obstacles…somedays I even feel like I’m like a crazy person, I cry but I smile and laugh the next moment. Sometimes, when I’m doing grocery alone, I walk past an aisle and I started crying…I walk into the gym each day and sometimes I hurts when I turn off the lights…

People say to me that I’m amazing, but do I really have a choice?

I needed to lead by example and I also have my kids to care for. It wasn’t really an option to just burrow myself in sorrow, no matter how much I would like to.